Sunday, July 26, 2015

It's Almost Finals Week (Again!)

This upcoming week marks finals week. The summer sessions are very short and I'm in two rather intense classes (hence the ridiculously late posting).

I'm finishing up my freelance project tonight, otherwise I'll turn it in even later than I planned, which is not what I want to do.

I don't even have the headspace to think about what is due tomorrow before 6 p.m. I'm dreading tomorrow morning. I'm not even sure I'll be able to finish everything on time.

It doesn't help that I've had lots of headaches lately that are practically knocking me out. Uff.

I'm knitting though, that keeps the anxiety at bay.

Here's to hoping I survive this week!

Sunday, July 19, 2015

The Ex-Tradition of Extradition

The movers came on Tuesday and packed up the majority of my stuff. There are still a few boxes' worth of flotsam and jetsam hanging out the old house. I finally spent the night at my new place on Saturday.

I woke up disoriented. I didn't know where I was and for a few seconds, I had forgotten that I was in a new place.

I still have a carload or two of things to bring over. I know I'm not doing it as fast as I could, because part of me knows that when all of my things are out of there, I will have no reason to go back.

He made us dinner tonight. I wish I could explain how hard it is to extradite myself from more than eight years of a relationship. It wasn't a bad one - he just wasn't happy and hadn't been happy for "a long time."

I'm unpacking. I'm getting things for the new space I will live in. My parents are visiting for my birthday in a few weeks.

I've got two more weeks of classes. I've decided I really can't handle freelance projects that aren't directly related to my MFA professionalization. Once I get my current freelance project done, I'm going to teach another person how to do indexes so I can connect her with my current client.

I'll be up late tonight; I've got lots and lots to work on between classes and freelance life.

Sunday, July 12, 2015

I hate packing

Two weeks ago, I found a new place to live. It's closer to work, but there's no garage, no dishwasher, and no laundry facilities. It's something I can afford. It's a short-term lease, which is good since I was invited to apply to a place I made the top seven at so, we'll see.

The whole process of packing up just half the stuff, half of what is mine, it's draining me. It's wearing me out.

Part of it the question of "Whose is this?" Is it more of a gift from my family? Was it really meant for one of us?

I don't even have anything more in me.

Wednesday, July 8, 2015, my ex had our dog euthanized because her cancer was so bad. I took the day off from work. I didn't have work in me that day. I don't have packing in me now; I keep finding her things all over the house, the places she hid her favorite toys - I can't. I can't stand all of this happening all together.

The movers are coming on Tuesday and I've got maybe a dozen boxes half-packed. I'm desperately trying not to freak out or panic, but that plan isn't going well. I'm going to have to explain they can't take every box they see, that they can't just grab stuff without asking or showing me. At least they're getting paid by the hour.

Right now, I'm an angry, angry harpy that's about to go for someone's throat. People need to fucking stop saying "Things happen for a reason." Yeah, they do - it's called he didn't want to marry me. It's called I'm an atheist who can't be out in Texas for personal safety reasons. It's called shut the fuck up about your invisible friend and his plan. M-kay?

Don't exclaim more than eight years is a long time. I FUCKING KNOW IT; I FUCKING GAVE UP SO MANY FUCKING OPPORTUNITIES ($$$$$$$$$$) TO STAY IN THIS RELATIONSHIP. DON'T THINK I'M NOT THINKING ABOUT THE SIX-FIGURE SALARY I COULD BE EARNING RIGHT NOW.

So, say, "Sorry to hear that." Then shut up. Please.

Sunday, July 5, 2015

Bare minimum

I got syllabi for the two classes I'm taking that start tomorrow. For the first time since I started the program, I'm going to be very challenged.

I'm moving in a week. I'll be signing my lease and paying rent tomorrow. I'm sad, but looking forward to moving on.

I started packing this long weekend. I only cried a few times, like when I found a toy the dog buried in the guest bed.

I still have to stop looking for the ring.