New beginnings

I took off with my mom today to move to my new job.

I am having wine with my amazing great aunt and mom.

Trust rocks.

New job! New semester! Moving! Ahhh!!!

Tomorrow marks my last week of work in Texas. I was offered a new, fast-paced position closer to my family, and I start Sept. 8.

I'm nervous about doing my full course load and moving several states. I'm tired just thinking about it.

I had movers at my old place on Saturday and I'm staying with a friend and her family until next week. I'm very grateful for her hospitality. I'm reading a book to her eldest as a birthday present. I got her a boxed set of R. Dahl books, but I think sharing the experience of having one read to her will make it more special.

I said goodbye to my knitting buddy today. We're getting serious about podcasting now: KTOG podcast (knit two together). We have a lot of work to do on the front end, but I think a monthly podcast with weekly blog posts should be a sustainable formula.

When I have time to breathe, I'm going to set up the email, Twitter, and blog for our podcast. My knitting partner agreed to learn how to do the video editing.

I can't believe I'll be on the road home next weekend. It's just all so fast.

I can't believe I'm 30.

I can't believe the guy I went to junior prom with told me, "Do you know how hard it's been the past ten years to see you with the wrong guys and put our friendship first above my feelings for you?"

Yeah. Life is funny. Let's see where things take us.

P.S. Having to change my thesis project because working with a certain individual became an unprofessional shitshow. That is all I will say at this time.

Death Anxiety and Aging

I can't quite share my exciting news - things aren't finalized and official enough to say something publicly.

I've had real problems since moving out of my ex's place with death anxiety. It doesn't help that I turned 30 today. I'm not doing what I thought I'd be doing. I'm not happy with how my personal life turned out. I really thought I'd be married this month. I didn't expect my dog to get so sick so quickly from cancer.

Taking into account all the anxiety-reducing techniques I've learned over the years (counseling is amazing, counseling is marvelous - I did it; I recommend it), I've been managing pretty well. It's been better this week with my parents here - I haven't thought I'm going to die; I have to die one day, this is really really scary; I don't want to die; Why do I have to die before going to bed in a few days.

The worst part about anxiety is how shameful it is. When people around you don't understand and don't get that you're not really in control of how you're reacting to things. When things are good, they're good, but when you feel like you're ready to burst into tears or run out of the room all at the same time, it makes it really hard to be around other people.

I had a great birthday - I had breakfast with my parents, met someone from the Internet for lunch, went to the movie talk and screening of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. 

On the walk over to the movie talk, I ran into one of my coworkers. I told him my exciting news. He hugged me and wished me the best. I work with great people.

I'm 30. I can't believe it. I know I'm inching closer and closer to death, but I have so much life left to live that I can't be afraid of the unknown forever.

Knitting Pattern

I'm writing my first knitting pattern. It's a kitchen towel, but I haven't finished it yet. I also think I want it to be wider than the prototype, but it's got a garter stitch border and the interior of the towel is a slip stitch pattern. I'll write it up when I finish and maybe put it up on Ravelry.

Tentative Pattern:

CO 40

Knit 10 rows

Row 11 Knit 5 (Knit 1, Slip 1 (purlwise)) until last five stitches, Knit 5

Row 12 Knit 5, Purl until last five stitches, Knit 5

Repeat rows 11 and 12 until piece measures approx. 26 inches

Knit 10 rows.


I managed to knit up an Almost Lost Dishcloth and a Grandma's Best Dishcloth while traveling.

If I have news, I'll post it next week ... on my 30th Birthday!!!

I also finished moving out of my ex's place today. Gave the keys back, the garage door opener. I'm sad. So incredibly sad.

Moving Out is Like Pandora's Box

I'm almost completely out of the old place. I just have to figure out what perishable/nonperishable items I will take out.

I spent three hours boxing and taking the last bits of clutter out of their respective hiding places.

One more final portfolio and I'll be done with summer classes.

I'm still kind of numb/anxious/sad about turning 30 in a few weeks. I'm not where I thought I'd be personally or professionally.

I did decide, come Hell or high water, that I'm going to get the technical writing certificate.

I'll be flying to see my family for a few days this week. It's the balm I need. I might also have new developments to share in the future.