New Year, New Beginnings - 2017 Edition

I took quite the hiatus while I finished up my MFA. I needed to focus on what my next steps were. The good news is I took the plunge and started my own business - Exceptional Editorial, LLC. I haven't double-checked my receipts and expenses against the revenue for 2016, but tentatively I think I made a small profit!

Looking back at my resolutions for 2016, I know I didn't accomplish many of them. The priorities in my life started to shift dramatically as I finished up my MFA - I wanted to focus on publication and working to find a way to better have the time and energy to write and create.

Let's look at what I said last year (2016), re: goals.

1. Knit (or finish) at least two projects from kits or Craftsy classes. I'm working on Drachenfels and should finish it shortly after the New Year. I have other projects like Lunaris, Tunisian Crochet Multi-Garment, Tree of Life Afghan, Beyond Basic Broomstick Lace (class), My First Raglan Cardigan (class, plus I bought the kit), Shawlscapes by Stephen West (class), and Choose Your Own Sweater Adventure (class), among others.
   
   Nope. Didn't even finish Drachenfels. It's at like 280+ stitches per row and living in a project bag/time out because it doesn't bring me joy. I did, however, go the entire year without buying any yarn. Complete cold sheep success. The only yarn that came in was a free sample I got with my book order from Knitpicks and a skein that was a gift from my sister. Otherwise, I worked on knitting down the stash.
   
2. I want to finish my MFA thesis by the end of next year. I have sent in my thesis proposal and I'm waiting to see if it was approved or not. I'm hoping to finish by August, but I'm giving myself an extra semester in case my proposal is not accepted in January.
   
   I finished and defended two weeks before my grandfather died. I've been sending the finalized project off to publishers for consideration. If I don't get any bites by May or June, I'll spend some time this summer revising.
   
3. Unread Books Project. Moving twice in less than two months, I realized I have a lot of books, many of which I have dragged state to state, all unread. So, to remedy this, the Unread Books Project is me picking at least one book per week to read for fun and/or pleasure from the stack of books that have sat and sat and sat in my home. To achieve this goal, I will read 45 to 52 books over the course of the year and do a biweekly or monthly report on what I've read. I also want to recall when and where I bought the book (or was gifted the book) when writing up which book or books I've finished.
   
   I put the blog on hiatus and with it, the unread books project. I'm still pretty burned out from reading after the PhD and MFA programs. I've been gifted several books I'm genuinely excited to read, so I'm hoping to get back in the saddle as far as reading in 2017.

I didn't really accomplish as much as I wanted. It's OK. I made a lateral move at work to a position that is far less stressful and, so far, has been very rewarding. I'm still shocked I managed to land two clients within a month of putting up my shingle. I'm grateful.

I also joined Instagram. I post knitting pictures, because knitting really brings me joy. I finished a very sweet sweater that was a free pattern from Lion Brand. I borrowed my mom's Knitting Workshop by Elizabeth Zimmermann to make a baby surprise jacket. I cast on today and hope I can follow the older-style instructions.

I don't know what goals I want to set for myself this year. I've got a lot of energy going into a lot of places. I find that very few of my goals get accomplished because my priorities dramatically shift. I'm going to focus on a few attainable touchstones rather than goals for 2017:

1. Continue working on decluttering my new house. I've got limited space and too much stuff to fit comfortably in it. I'll continue to cold sheep - no new yarn unless I have a specific project I will start right away. It's the seduction of potential - these papers/markers/yarn could all become something. The siren song of making and doing is difficult to ignore.
2. Keep working on Exceptional Editorial. I would love to make a profit three out of five years for tax purposes.

Here's to 2017.

A Year Later: Still Not Back to Normal

I do yoga two to three times a week. It was in class this week that I realized I'm not back to my old self.

Let me explain. About a year ago, I was in yoga class when I did a downward dog and felt a little woozy. As the class went into the second downward dog, so did I, only I went from feeling woozy to feeling an incredible sense of dread and became lightheaded. I went into child's pose and didn't move.

I was covered in sweat, and not the kind from working out. It was a cold sweat and I only felt dread and nausea. I left yoga class early and by the time I got to my office, I realized I really needed help.

One of my coworkers drove me to the nearby urgent care, where I was told to go home immediately and call 9-1-1 or go to my nearest emergency room if the symptoms I felt during yoga came back at any time.

I was 28.

Then began a several-month odyssey to figure out what was wrong. My insurance was billed more than $20,000 and I was billed for $5,000 (don't worry, I negotiated several of those bills down).

I had only been at my place of employment for seven or eight months and I was starting to burn through my sick leave.

I was meeting with HR reps and learning about the policies of "What happens if I run out of sick leave? What happens if I need open heart surgery this summer? What happens if I end up disabled from this?"

I realized I could never lose my job or my benefits. It's bankruptcy or death if I do. Because the U.S. does not have a national healthcare system, I can never ever give up a job with benefits. It would take a quarter of the income I'm earning now to just maintain the premiums, not to mention the several thousands of dollars I spend each year out of pocket on co-pays and prescriptions.

Would I like to chase my dreams and start my own editorial business or go back to academia or move to another state to be closer to my family? Absolutely. I can't afford to leave a job that has decent job security when I know I have this ticking time bomb.

Would I like to move to an area that is less critically under served so I could get more reliable healthcare with shorter wait times? Yes, but I can't leave this job and its benefits.

All it takes is for one thing to be slightly off and I could be right back where I was last year.

I didn't feel well for more than six months. It was exhausting. I felt so ill all the time.

I realized I still don't feel 100 percent this week; I can't do the balance poses I could a year ago. That sense of balance is completely gone.

What makes it worse is that several people at work don't understand. Because I look fine, I should feel fine. So, I have doctor's notes, paperwork, and proof.

I hate feeling sick. It's this exhaustion that is never really gone. I can't spring out of bed. I have to be extremely careful about how long I'm standing and how I'm feeling.

I barely have any sick leave because I have to use it all the time.

I tie myself in knots to minimize how much sick leave I use, but those efforts are not appreciated, so I have stopped trying to tie myself in a bow. I have sick leave and I have the legal right to use it.