First Week of New Job, Third Week of Semester

This week marked my first week at my new job. It was fast-paced and intense, but I really enjoyed it. I ended up having to go into the office twice yesterday, but everything got taken care of and aside from an OK Cupid date backing out because I took too long, it was uneventful.

I met up for teriyaki and then ice cream with someone from OK Cupid. It went well. Not really feeling more than friendship, but I'm teaching him how to knit next week! Winning!

My new place is really great. The landlord is really thoughtful and kind. The view, as you'll see below, is fabulous. I'll hopefully have my furniture by next weekend so I'm not sleeping on an air mattress or yoga mat. I'm really looking forward to having my stuff again.

View from my new apartment.

I'm still knitting. My mom gave me some cotton yarn and I'm almost finished with the ball. I'm going to try and finish the Little Lady Garter Blanket in the next week or so, but it's really a boring knit and I'm sick of the color.

I bought Defarge Does Shakespeare on Ravelry. There were at least three patterns I wanted to make, so after several weeks of having it in my cart, I bought it on Ravelry.

I'm thinking I'll knit Lady M; Ravel'd Sleeve of Care; and Exeunt, Pursued by a Bear.

I've also been knitting a bunch of dishcloths. I've got two patterns memorized: Almost Lost Dishcloth and Grandmother's Favorite.

Almost Lost Dishcloth. Requires knitting short rows. It looks better in person. The easier-to-read pattern is from this website.

I don't have reliable Internet at home yet. There's a WiFi hotspot login I'm borrowing from my dad, but it's hit or miss. Some times I can watch an hour show on Hulu or Netflix without buffering and sometimes it drops every five minutes.

I'm down to my last five classes for my MFA. It's been hard to juggle the start of the semester with my classes, but I'm accepting the fact that good is good enough.

All in all, things are getting settled. I'm really happy to be home.

Fresh Start

I've made it to my new city. The new job starts on Tuesday.

I messed up with the PODS delivery and won't have my stuff until Sept. 17, but that's okay.

I'm just happy to be back home.

Guest Post on PhD Talk

Twitter has been amazing for my postac/altac network. Case in point: I found Eva Lantsoght on Twitter. Like me, she's got her doctorate and plays the cello. She invited me to write an article for her blog and I happily obliged.

You can find my Thursday, March 12, 2015,  guest post on self-care habits in the academy on her website phdtalk.blogspot.com right here.

On No Longer Being a College Instructor

A little more than two years ago, I taught my last class. There were a whole host of problems with that adjunct job (the least of which was that I was lied to about how many classes they had the budget for me to teach), but I still enjoyed teaching. In fact, the reason I didn't walk off the first day when I realized how much I had been lied to was that I wasn't going to abandon my students or leave them in the lurch for the administration's misdeeds.

I miss teaching. I was following my passion. I had even used those words, "following my passion" to describe how I felt. Of course, I was delightfully naive and only two months into the academic job search at the time.

Turning off what you were trained to do is hard; I still plan classes, read up on pedagogy, and research the newest and most effective teaching methods. It's all moot though. I won't take part-time work and I won't accept a position without health benefits.

Why?

Because I am worthy of a salary. Because I don't want to have to declare bankruptcy from medical debt. Because I have been on the adjunct hamster wheel and I am not getting back on that ride.

Technically, I could try again when the MLA annual conference comes to Texas next year, but the reality is that my PhD is stale. I have zero articles and no book contracts. If I want to get back in, I've got a lot of work to do so and I'd rather follow my new passion: creative writing.

I do look back at my teaching evaluations. I was always above center of mass. I even had one quarter where I was 4.7 or a 4.8 out of 5. I had great written comments. Students would take as many classes in sequence with me as they could, even if they weren't morning people. I have many thank you notes, which are very precious to me.

It would be a lie to say I don't feel like a failure. I feel like I failed myself, my adviser, my department, my university. I still can't go through the boxes with my graduate school books and papers.

I have teacher's copies of textbooks so I could write more syllabuses for introductory and culture classes, but I never made it that far in the interview process. Now, these books are outdated and I'm no longer a teacher of record so I won't be able to get new copies to write updated syllabuses.

I'm torn because I spent thousands of dollars on books for my academic library, and the reality is that they have been in the same boxes since I moved to Georgia and then Texas.

Unopened boxes. Unrealized dreams.

My therapy has been to put my teaching and job application materials online for free. I have my syllabuses and sample PowerPoint presentations on my academia.edu page. At least my work is helping someone else. Perhaps in a pathetic sort of way, I'm hoping this digital portal helps my job search and attempts to get back into the academy.

The reality is that I did as much as I could have done from a non-Ivy school to try to get a place on the tenure track.

I didn't win the academic lottery. I didn't have the name-brand recognition. Plain and simple.

So here I am, no longer a college instructor.

Balancing full-time studies online with full-time life

We all have the same number of hours in a day. For women, we get saddled with a bunch of invisible labor that adds to our domestic work.

All that invisible labor adds up. It'll burn you out. If your partner won't step up, then let the dishes sit in the sink until they smell. If you don't have clean dishes, switch to paper plates. There are bigger fish to fry and just because you were born with the vagina in your relationship does not mean it is all your job or responsibility.

When balancing school and work, well, something has to give and I've never really given a fuck about how my house looks. Next weekend I'll sing a different tune because I have company coming, but for this weekend, I have piles of papers, boxes, books, and lots on the to-do list.

Dirty secret about being a full-time student and working full-time? The to-do list never gets done. Embrace it now. There will be entropy. There will be dirty dishes. There will be stress.

What is especially true about online classes is the sense that you could be doing more or doing something right now.

To combat that desire to constantly check in with your online class, I set boundaries. (I could do a series of posts on boundaries and surviving graduate school, but those will come later.)

The syllabus says that you have to post once and reply to two other threads? Unless one of the other 13 threads is irresistible, leave them alone. You've done your part. Doing more does not make you A any higher.

I didn't used to be this way. I was that student. The one who did everything and then some. I made everyone else look bad. I know. I was young. Driven. A perfectionist.

As a recovering perfectionist, I've learned life is a lot happier when you do your best, but stop before it becomes a race to perfectionism.

If an online class has a more nebulous participation requirement like "continue the discussion through Sunday," then I look at this way, do I have anything substantial to add and write about? Will all I say be less than 100 words pretty much saying, "I like how you pointed out X. I agree."? Then it's not worth your time and it's really not adding to the discussion.

To survive your full-time job and your full-time online studies, something has to give. I recommend that it be your perfectionist tendencies before your sanity and home life.

Side note: After one semester, I'm pretty much over discussion boards. For the MFA workshop classes, the discussion boards make sense, but for reading reaction stuff, well, there really isn't a need to respond to many of the posts people put up. Three or four students rise to the top of the pack. These individuals always have something interesting to say.

I don't think class discussion boards are a replacement for what happens in a face-to-face seminar; I know this because I spent five years in traditional seminar settings. This is especially true when faculty don't provide a lesson or context for the week and just tell the class "Read X, Y, Z and answer the following questions in your discussion board post." 

In my pedagogical opinion, online discussion boards should happen after the professor has posted either a written lecture, video lecture (with transcript for ADA accessibility), or podcast (with transcript for ADA accessibility). This lecture should be like what would happen in a classroom. The students should get an idea about what is important about this piece and the professor should fill in the gaps - not fellow classmates who may or may not have all the information correct.

The mere act of providing a discussion board and telling students to go talk there is the worst of the flipped classroom phenomenon. Give guidance, instruction, and some knowledge before telling the class "Go discuss this." Otherwise, it's like education through the University of Google and Youtube.

On not attending MLA's annual convention

This is the third year I have not attended the Modern Language Association's annual conference. Also known as MLA, the annual conference is a mixture of paper presentations, workshops, and above all else, young academics interviewing for the job market.

I first attended the annual conference when it was in Los Angeles, California, in 2011. The following year, it was in Seattle, Washington. 

In 2011, I was in graduate school in California, so attending the conference was not a big deal. 

In 2012, when the conference was in Seattle, I was told my department would reimburse me for travel. When I turned in my receipts, I found out that reimbursement was "only if you had interviews" at MLA. Fortunately, I have family in the area, and I only really took a bit of a hit on the food, since I was going to be in Washington anyways.

This misunderstanding about MLA reimbursement was compounded when I found out from an older graduate student that the reimbursement was a one-time thing. While I'm grateful our department would cover travel and a hotel for a job interview at MLA, it was extremely frustrating that these policies were not made clearer before I went on my merry way to Seattle.

The best part about the conference in Seattle was an early panel on nonstandard academic careers - also known as alternate academic jobs or altac jobs. It was reassuring to hear of other job possibilities outside of the academy. It made working outside a university a less scary prospect.

In 2013, the annual conference was in Boston. Knowing I would only be reimbursed if I had an interview, I had to make the gut-wrenching decision: buy a cheaper plane ticket and hotel by booking early in anticipation of interviews, or wait and pay more (or rather, have my department pay more) to guarantee reimbursement.

On the advice of a colleague who got a tenure-track offer in 2012, I held off buying anything. This turned out to be a great decision because the number of MLA interviews I had was zero.

Zip. Zilch. Nada.

I did, however, pay the conference fee for someone I was following on Twitter. I figured if I couldn't go, at least someone else could.

Speaking of Twitter, I followed the hashtags and almost felt like I was there, albeit from my apartment.

After not getting any academic job offers in the 2013-2014 job market, I put all my energies into applying for altac positions.

I was hired by a university for an altac position, but when the 2014 convention in Chicago rolled around, I was still in my probationary period - during which no sick leave or vacation leave would be granted without supervisor approval. It's not good form to say, "I'm going to a conference where they interview people with my degree for a job," two months after you start. I also only had two vacation days banked, making it almost impossible to go to Chicago, even if I'd wanted to.

I happened to get the job right at the start of what should have been my second season on the job market. I had even asked for updated reference letters. I applied to a few early positions, but once I started, I realized I could either focus on my current, altac job or I could hope for interviews in the 2014-2015 job market.

There's something to be said about having full benefits and retirement. I decided the better part of valor was focusing on improving my current job skills rather than chasing the teaching dream across the country.

I follow several people on Twitter and check in with the MLA hashtag every year. It's almost like being there.

In reality, MLA is just another conference, similar to what you experience if you went to any other. The only miserable part of the equation are the interviews at MLA, and more and more, MLA is trying to push departments to interview over Skype (hello, welcome to the 21st century hiring committees!) rather than forcing applicants to spend their own money to interview at the annual conference.

I didn't go to the Vancouver MLA this year because 1) My passport had expired and I didn't know if I'd get its replacement in time; 2) Flying to Canada is expensive; 3) I'm enrolled in graduate classes again (I'm a special kind of masochist) and I don't feel like spending 10 percent of my disposable income to attend what is essentially a souped-up conference; and 4) I don't want to use my vacation time for the conference.

But, when the conference is in Austin next year, I might go. It would be good to catch up with old friends and attend some panels. 

Will I be on the job market? I'm not sure. I've got a state job with great benefits, and according to HR, it will take three documented cases of gross negligence on my part for me to be let go. In essence, as long as my department isn't reorganized, I have a job I could work until I retire.

It's weird no longer being in the academic rat race. I've rediscovered reading for pleasure, and reading in English for that matter.

I learned a lot about myself while I was working on my dissertation. It was the most difficult thing I have ever done, and yet, I feel like I could work on a second project. I should seriously pursue publishing opportunities for several of my chapters and seminar papers, but those are not a priority for me right now.

For the third year in a row, I have followed the conference on Twitter and don't feel like I missed much at all by staying home. If I had a department paying for it, I'd be there in a heartbeat, but since it's on my own dime, well, there are plenty of places I'd rather vacation than an academic conference.

MLA Conferences by city and year

Los Angeles, California - 2011

Seattle. Washington - 2012

Boston, Massachusetts - 2013

Chicago, Illinois - 2014

Vancouver, Canada - 2015

Austin, Texas - 2016

The Kickoff

I have tried my hand at blogging many, many times. After working in public relations for a little more than a year, I realized how to make this a sustainable and long-term endeavor.

First, I am going to stick to a reasonable publication schedule. I'm committing to every Sunday.

Second, the general subject of this blog will be more varied than my other blog attempts. This blog will talk about academia, graduate school, knitting, altac (alternate academic) careers, online education, the MFA, my PhD, and whatever else appeals to my jack-of-all-trades nature.

Third, I plan on most posts being between 700 and 1,000 words in length.

Lastly, I will work on creating a decent buffer so I can maintain the weekly publication schedule.