Moving Out is Like Pandora's Box

I'm almost completely out of the old place. I just have to figure out what perishable/nonperishable items I will take out.

I spent three hours boxing and taking the last bits of clutter out of their respective hiding places.

One more final portfolio and I'll be done with summer classes.

I'm still kind of numb/anxious/sad about turning 30 in a few weeks. I'm not where I thought I'd be personally or professionally.

I did decide, come Hell or high water, that I'm going to get the technical writing certificate.

I'll be flying to see my family for a few days this week. It's the balm I need. I might also have new developments to share in the future.

It's Almost Finals Week (Again!)

This upcoming week marks finals week. The summer sessions are very short and I'm in two rather intense classes (hence the ridiculously late posting).

I'm finishing up my freelance project tonight, otherwise I'll turn it in even later than I planned, which is not what I want to do.

I don't even have the headspace to think about what is due tomorrow before 6 p.m. I'm dreading tomorrow morning. I'm not even sure I'll be able to finish everything on time.

It doesn't help that I've had lots of headaches lately that are practically knocking me out. Uff.

I'm knitting though, that keeps the anxiety at bay.

Here's to hoping I survive this week!

The Ex-Tradition of Extradition

The movers came on Tuesday and packed up the majority of my stuff. There are still a few boxes' worth of flotsam and jetsam hanging out the old house. I finally spent the night at my new place on Saturday.

I woke up disoriented. I didn't know where I was and for a few seconds, I had forgotten that I was in a new place.

I still have a carload or two of things to bring over. I know I'm not doing it as fast as I could, because part of me knows that when all of my things are out of there, I will have no reason to go back.

He made us dinner tonight. I wish I could explain how hard it is to extradite myself from more than eight years of a relationship. It wasn't a bad one - he just wasn't happy and hadn't been happy for "a long time."

I'm unpacking. I'm getting things for the new space I will live in. My parents are visiting for my birthday in a few weeks.

I've got two more weeks of classes. I've decided I really can't handle freelance projects that aren't directly related to my MFA professionalization. Once I get my current freelance project done, I'm going to teach another person how to do indexes so I can connect her with my current client.

I'll be up late tonight; I've got lots and lots to work on between classes and freelance life.

I hate packing

Two weeks ago, I found a new place to live. It's closer to work, but there's no garage, no dishwasher, and no laundry facilities. It's something I can afford. It's a short-term lease, which is good since I was invited to apply to a place I made the top seven at so, we'll see.

The whole process of packing up just half the stuff, half of what is mine, it's draining me. It's wearing me out.

Part of it the question of "Whose is this?" Is it more of a gift from my family? Was it really meant for one of us?

I don't even have anything more in me.

Wednesday, July 8, 2015, my ex had our dog euthanized because her cancer was so bad. I took the day off from work. I didn't have work in me that day. I don't have packing in me now; I keep finding her things all over the house, the places she hid her favorite toys - I can't. I can't stand all of this happening all together.

The movers are coming on Tuesday and I've got maybe a dozen boxes half-packed. I'm desperately trying not to freak out or panic, but that plan isn't going well. I'm going to have to explain they can't take every box they see, that they can't just grab stuff without asking or showing me. At least they're getting paid by the hour.

Right now, I'm an angry, angry harpy that's about to go for someone's throat. People need to fucking stop saying "Things happen for a reason." Yeah, they do - it's called he didn't want to marry me. It's called I'm an atheist who can't be out in Texas for personal safety reasons. It's called shut the fuck up about your invisible friend and his plan. M-kay?

Don't exclaim more than eight years is a long time. I FUCKING KNOW IT; I FUCKING GAVE UP SO MANY FUCKING OPPORTUNITIES ($$$$$$$$$$) TO STAY IN THIS RELATIONSHIP. DON'T THINK I'M NOT THINKING ABOUT THE SIX-FIGURE SALARY I COULD BE EARNING RIGHT NOW.

So, say, "Sorry to hear that." Then shut up. Please.

Casting On New Projects (AKA Avoiding Finals)

Ever since my relationship of eight years ended two weeks ago, I've been spinning my wheels.

The plan was to be done with my freelance project before finals week, but I spent a week just numb and recovering from the shock of the finality of it all.

I reorganized my yarn stash on Saturday and realized I really have a lot of yarn. I need to start making more projects with the patterns I planned for them using yarn I've already bought.

So, I cast on a Firefly Dishcloth last night. It's small enough that I can knit a row or two when I need to think, but it's interesting enough to be a bit of a challenge. I'll finish it up this week and add the yardage to Stash Dash 2015.

I'm itching to cast on a Liason Tee and a Flax sweater. I've got yarn earmarked for both projects. Knitting is so much more fun than doing final portfolios or freelance projects. I'm sure if knitting were my job, I'd have a spotless house ...

The good news is I've found a new apartment. It's super cute, even though there's only street parking and no dishwasher or laundry facilities. But, the price is something I can afford and I can get a six-month lease. Even if some of the job prospects work out sooner rather than later, I can afford to pay for the full term of the lease in order to be able to walk away.

I bought dishes today. They aren't exactly what I wanted, but they're cute - white with blue stripes. I gave away my awesome Coca-Cola set in Georgia because "we don't need two sets of dishes."

Now I'm no longer a we and until today, I didn't have dishes. It's weird to think of myself in only terms of "I" and no longer "we." These dishes are always going to be the set I bought to replace the Coca-Cola plates I loved because "we" didn't need two sets of dishes.

I've got two classes with finals next week. I have a portfolio due Wednesday and a portfolio due Thursday. I also have a three-page essay to write for one of the portfolios. And the freelance project is not done yet. Which is stressful.

But, I have a plan. I have a tentative move-in date. I'm getting ready to move forward.

I'm going to focus on making my new place a home, even if it's only for a few weeks or months. I'm still hopeful something else will stick, even though I'm heartbroken I didn't make it to an in-person interview for the job in Portland. Maybe something else will turn up. Maybe I'm trapped in this city for the rest of my life, working a job that fits like a shoe that leaves blisters.

Summer Session I Starts Tomorrow!

Tomorrow is when the first summer session begins. I'll be taking two classes, which should keep me fairly busy because the summer session takes place over five weeks rather than 16.

I've already filled out my planner with the first week of summer session's to-do list. It's not as bad as it looks, and writing it down helps keep me on track.

For one class, we'll be reading Second Nature by Jack Collom. I'm not sure it's my cup of tea, but we'll see.

So far, I'm really nailing the schoolwork, so I'm hopeful doing four classes over the summer won't overwhelm me, even though I know I'm moving in a few months.

In other news, I sat down and reworked one of the short stories I wrote for my advanced fiction class last semester and submitted it to an appropriate journal. The journal boasts a two to three day turnaround, which I'll believe when I see. I'm hoping to start publishing more aggressively, especially in the field of fiction since I am leaning toward doing an MFA thesis in fiction.

I'm also working on a top-secret project I can't really talk about right now (hint: it involves a city I love very much). I'm super excited about the word I received today and probably will stay up a little later than usual to finish it up.

I also will work on the index of a book. This is the second major publishing gig in a year I've gotten from my network on Twitter. The pay is fair as well, which is even better. I can't stress enough how wonderful Twitter is for networking once you find the right people to follow and listen to.

My hashtag #altactips is doing fairly well. So far, I'm the main voice in the hashtag, but I do look out for new content and have noticed an uptick in my impressions. I'm averaging more than 100 for most #altactips tweets, which isn't bad considering I'm a relatively small potatoes Twitter user.

Let's hope things stay positive and the secret project turns out to be something I can share here!

How are online degrees viewed? (A response)

The following is a modified version of my response to a question asked in the MLA Commons.

The original question was essentially that the professor had a student who wanted to pursue her master's, but because her husband was in the military, had to do an online degree or wait for another PCS (Permanent Change of Station) move to do so.

Here is my edited (for direct criticisms of my current program; I know better than to bite the hand that feeds me outside a paywall) response:

I completely understand your student’s desire to have a portable degree, since I too am attached to someone in the military and am currently pursing an online master’s (I already hold a tradition master’s and doctorate). Online degrees are losing their stigma. However, one had to consider the reputation of the school providing the degree. If it’s Podunk University, well, you still have Podunk University’s reputation.

The most important thing for her to consider is if the university has any distinction in the course catalog between traditional brick-and-mortar degrees and online degrees. If the course numbers are the same and a lay person couldn’t tell the difference between the online English class and the in-the-classroom course, then go for it. The diploma doesn’t say “X University online,” so don’t make any fuss about having taken courses online versus in the classroom.

She needs to make sure the online degree is accredited from a respected authority. Let’s be honest, University of Phoenix is something you need to steer her away from, because its degrees are not as respected.

If she doesn’t plan on entering academia, most people don’t care if it’s online or in person, they just care you checked the box and got the degree for the position. If she does plan on entering academia, then minimize the fact it was online. “I attended X university 20XX – 20YY and received a master’s in English.” Only mention online if teaching online is a component for the job description. Otherwise, mum’s the word.

Now, I’m in an online program, so I can be blunt about the following: the quality of the online education depends greatly on the student. A lot of programs treat online classes like cash cows, and the support and best education practices are just not there. My brick-and-mortal master’s was far more challenging and difficult.

Plus, a lot of universities do not have the same library resources available for their online students. It’s hard to write a thesis using only JSTOR; your student will need to see what library resources (books, physical books) are made available so she has a shot at writing a solid thesis, if the program requires one.

The lack of library resources is something to consider when working on final semester/quarter projects as well. If she ever wants to consider a doctoral program, she will have to prepare, long distance, to produce strong term papers she could submit as writing samples. If she can’t, well, then it’s not helping her long-term.

As a fellow person tied to the military, the online classes provide an explanation in your resume for a gap in employment. It’s easier to say, “I was a full-time student” than “I’m a military partner.” The online classes, if done well (and this absolutely is dependent upon institution), can provide a sense of community, which is something that moving around a lot can take from you.

Another thing about online classes (again, dependent upon institution) is who is teaching, what is available, and when those classes are available. Again, the cash cow problem – some universities hire a bunch of adjunct/temp faculty to teach graduate courses, but those faculty are not eligible to direct thesis projects. So, your student can take five classes with Professor X, only to learn only Professor A and Z are the only faculty eligible to direct thesis projects, and Professor A requires you to be in two classes before even considering you as a student.

Some classes are on the books and have never been taught. Sometimes there are so many students who want/need classes that there aren’t enough seats and you take extra semesters to graduate. She needs to look into how often classes are offered and how long it really takes students to graduate. She doesn’t want a two-year program dragging on for four years.

Also, online classes can be expensive and poorly designed. If this is the case, then your student needs to push herself to do the best she can under the circumstances. Besides, graduate education is often more about what you learn and how you learn than the classes themselves.

If she and her partner have the financial resources and this is something she wants to do (from an accredited university), then go for it. If the transcript doesn’t distinguish between online/in-person classes, then minimize that she took it online and check the block. If the accreditation committee says it’s an accredited master’s degree, then it’s an accredited master’s degree. Only emphasize online if they ask her to teach online classes.

There are a lot of military partners who pursue online degrees because of the constant military moves. She might meet a fellow online classmate during a coffee social or FRG meeting!

Balancing full-time studies online with full-time life

We all have the same number of hours in a day. For women, we get saddled with a bunch of invisible labor that adds to our domestic work.

All that invisible labor adds up. It'll burn you out. If your partner won't step up, then let the dishes sit in the sink until they smell. If you don't have clean dishes, switch to paper plates. There are bigger fish to fry and just because you were born with the vagina in your relationship does not mean it is all your job or responsibility.

When balancing school and work, well, something has to give and I've never really given a fuck about how my house looks. Next weekend I'll sing a different tune because I have company coming, but for this weekend, I have piles of papers, boxes, books, and lots on the to-do list.

Dirty secret about being a full-time student and working full-time? The to-do list never gets done. Embrace it now. There will be entropy. There will be dirty dishes. There will be stress.

What is especially true about online classes is the sense that you could be doing more or doing something right now.

To combat that desire to constantly check in with your online class, I set boundaries. (I could do a series of posts on boundaries and surviving graduate school, but those will come later.)

The syllabus says that you have to post once and reply to two other threads? Unless one of the other 13 threads is irresistible, leave them alone. You've done your part. Doing more does not make you A any higher.

I didn't used to be this way. I was that student. The one who did everything and then some. I made everyone else look bad. I know. I was young. Driven. A perfectionist.

As a recovering perfectionist, I've learned life is a lot happier when you do your best, but stop before it becomes a race to perfectionism.

If an online class has a more nebulous participation requirement like "continue the discussion through Sunday," then I look at this way, do I have anything substantial to add and write about? Will all I say be less than 100 words pretty much saying, "I like how you pointed out X. I agree."? Then it's not worth your time and it's really not adding to the discussion.

To survive your full-time job and your full-time online studies, something has to give. I recommend that it be your perfectionist tendencies before your sanity and home life.

Side note: After one semester, I'm pretty much over discussion boards. For the MFA workshop classes, the discussion boards make sense, but for reading reaction stuff, well, there really isn't a need to respond to many of the posts people put up. Three or four students rise to the top of the pack. These individuals always have something interesting to say.

I don't think class discussion boards are a replacement for what happens in a face-to-face seminar; I know this because I spent five years in traditional seminar settings. This is especially true when faculty don't provide a lesson or context for the week and just tell the class "Read X, Y, Z and answer the following questions in your discussion board post." 

In my pedagogical opinion, online discussion boards should happen after the professor has posted either a written lecture, video lecture (with transcript for ADA accessibility), or podcast (with transcript for ADA accessibility). This lecture should be like what would happen in a classroom. The students should get an idea about what is important about this piece and the professor should fill in the gaps - not fellow classmates who may or may not have all the information correct.

The mere act of providing a discussion board and telling students to go talk there is the worst of the flipped classroom phenomenon. Give guidance, instruction, and some knowledge before telling the class "Go discuss this." Otherwise, it's like education through the University of Google and Youtube.

Second Semester of the MFA Started; New Year's Goals Update

My second semester in the online MFA started Tuesday. I'm a special kind of masochist, so I'm taking four classes this term. So far, it's not too much to handle, but I do find it difficult to fully engage with four digital classrooms of discussion boards.

It's particularly hard to engage in some of my online classes because it has become increasingly clear there is little to no departmental-level support for online course development. As is such, some classes are extremely well developed and integrate universally accepted best practices, while others, well, others have instructors who struggle with the basics of the Learning Management System (LMS).

I guess one thing that pisses me off about the explosion in the digital classroom environment in the U.S. is how many people in universities across the country are running online programs, persons who have never, ever ever ever in their lives taken an online course. Not even a Coursera course. These are jobs I've applied to and I have taken far, far more online courses than the people the institutions end up hiring, and what is the result? A mediocre digital class experience for the students.

It's hard to separate my professional jealousy of being shut out of the academy with being a student again. I try to keep the fact I already have a doctorate under wraps, especially in courses where it is clear the faculty member is out of his or her depth.

Anyways, to my New Year's resolutions for 2015.

I have started one knitting project using yarn I already own and a pattern I already have. I am about 40 percent of the way done with the blanket, although the project has been plagued by several knots and frays in the yarn. This means more ends to weave in and it is becoming increasingly frustrating to knit with this yarn. I'm used to a knot or something, but I've found three knots in the yarn (as in the yarn broke and was tied at the factory) and one spot where the yarn was not properly/completely twisted.

I am working on being more active and losing weight. My fiance bought me a Fitbit (my request) for a belated Christmas present, and so far, I'm not showing any signs of a nickel allergy. I've also managed to get below 170 pounds for the first time since my synthroid dose was halved. Hooray! The Fitbit showed me that I was far less active at work than I thought I was. Oops.

I am going to ask my new boss for personal development funds to cover the two classes for the technical writing program that fall outside my MFA degree. Based on the current class I am taking, the courses in the technical writing program are very well designed and developed. I would like to take more of them, assuming they are all as well done as the one I am taking now.

If I can get these professional development funds, then I will pursue the technical writing certificate concurrently with my MFA.

I'll be applying to the scholarships in a few weeks; I'll have to check with HR to make sure I'm permitted to apply for student scholarships when I receive a staff discount on my education.

I'm still working out how to do this world trip. Don't have any details or specifics, but there was a hiccup today as far as the finances when I ended up needing brakes and my power steering fluid flushed along with what I thought was going to be "just an oil change" at the dealership.

I'm also maintaining this blog. I'm trying to make sure I meet my weekly update schedule, which is why I'm finishing this at 2 a.m. before I go to sleep.

The Kickoff

I have tried my hand at blogging many, many times. After working in public relations for a little more than a year, I realized how to make this a sustainable and long-term endeavor.

First, I am going to stick to a reasonable publication schedule. I'm committing to every Sunday.

Second, the general subject of this blog will be more varied than my other blog attempts. This blog will talk about academia, graduate school, knitting, altac (alternate academic) careers, online education, the MFA, my PhD, and whatever else appeals to my jack-of-all-trades nature.

Third, I plan on most posts being between 700 and 1,000 words in length.

Lastly, I will work on creating a decent buffer so I can maintain the weekly publication schedule.